In Repair
by teenage-dirtbag
Summary: Izzie thinks about everything that's been going on in her life, and the one man that could possibly make it all better. [AI,OneShot]


**A/N: Narrated from Izzie's point-of-view, post My Favorite Mistake. The song is In Repair by John Mayer.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, well, I would be married to McSteamy.**

…

_Too many shadows in my room  
Too many hours in this midnight  
Too many corners in my mind  
So much to do to set my heart right_

Work. Being a surgeon is the most wonderful thing. It entails you to give your body and soul to the calling. You have no time to think about anything else. You don't get to stop and stare and remember your mistakes. You don't remember to feel sad. You just feel numb and accomplished. You just keep on working. It was therapy to Meredith, after her mom died. And now? It's therapy to me. Not because I'm still depressed over Denny's death, no. It's the fact that my life is now complicated.

I slept with my best friend. Who, by the way, is married. Fodder for the columns, right? Somehow we managed to keep it between us. We promised each other to pretend like it never happened. Suppressing something this big took a toll on my life. I wasn't the happy, chirpy Izzy Stevens anymore. It was as if everything that's happened hardened me. Bailey was the first one to notice, naturally. She asked me if I was sick. Then she asked me if I needed a psych consult.

Then it was Meredith. Took her a while to notice, since she was too wrapped up in her own happy world. I'm not mad; Meredith deserves happiness after everything she's been through. She asked me if it was because of Alex moving in. I had no problem with that. Then she asked me if it was because of Derek staying. No, I replied again. McDreamy occupies the least of my thoughts.

Cristina followed after. She never tried to ask me what the matter was. That was simply too friendly for her. She started by being a little nicer to me, a little less competitive. Then she started offering me surgeries I knew she wanted to do.

George noticed. He did. He knew what was the matter, so he tried to cheer me up, even though it was awkward. He'd give me his pudding every time we would eat lunch. He would buy me coffee every time I pulled an all-nighter. I was glad that somehow, our friendship was mending itself. Slowly. Gradually.

_Stood on the corner for a while  
To wait for the wind to blow down on me  
Hoping it takes with it my old ways   
And brings some brand new look upon me_

And then there was Alex.

The worst part of my day was not in the hospital. It wasn't every time I was alone with George. It wasn't every time I treated a patient with a heart disease. It wasn't every time Bailey screams at me for slacking off. It was at night. Everything is silent at night. I lie in my bed, and suddenly I'm alone with my thoughts. The darkness suddenly scares me. Memories keep on flooding back. For the first few nights, I just lay there, awake and crying. That's where Alex comes in.

One night, he went into my room, asking for his extra scrubs. I was too wrapped up in my misery to be aware of what's going on, and that's when he found me. Silently, he closed the door and lay down beside me. He took me into his arms and calmed me down. The tears stopped that night.

Every night he would just go into my room and lie down with me. We don't talk, we don't kiss, and we don't even have sex. He just stays there. And strangely enough, that's the best kind of comfort I have received. He still was an ass in the hospital. He still fought to get the best surgeries. He still made dirty and inappropriate jokes. But still, every night, he would come into my room and hold me.

_Oh it's taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready  
Oh but if I take my heart's advice  
I should assume it's still unsteady  
I am in repair, I am in repair_

"Why?" I asked him one night. He let go of me and sat up.

"Why what?" He said.

"Why so you stay here with me every night?" I said, sitting up as well. The pale moonlight penetrated through the window, and I could see confusion and compassion in his face.

"Don't you want me here?" He asked softly.

"I do. It's just that," I looked at him, "Why?"

He smiled at me, and put his arms around me again. "No one should be alone in the darkness." He whispered. "You'll let go of your pain when you're ready. But in the meantime, I'm here to hold it for you so it won't hurt as much."

_I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there_

I looked into his eyes and smiled brightly, a smile that was once familiar to me. I kissed him lightly, and was surprised and glad to see that he didn't push it any further. "Don't worry." I said, lying down and burying my face in his embrace, "You won't have to hold it much longer."

That night ended like any other night: me, asleep in Alex's arms. It was the morning that began like no other morning: I had finally found hope.

…

**Let me know what you think. **


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